We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
