you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
