There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize