so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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