so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
