I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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