I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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