Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
