just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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