: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's shark week go big or go home
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
