remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
