is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
