wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize