how can u be prego again
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
