Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize