Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
