He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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