i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
