so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just had sex bonerless
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
