please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
