i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
