Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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