i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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