Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
