dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
