I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
