You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
