you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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