Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
