Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
