There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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