just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
