why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
