they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
