Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
