I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
