they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
