This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
