he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
