he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
