All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
