1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
