I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
