I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
