Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
