So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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