You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
