so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
