sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
