She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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