you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
