but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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