Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
