we were pretty classy up until the second keg
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
