if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
