i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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