Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
