Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
