Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
