Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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