I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
