JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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