At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
