can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
