loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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