Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
