I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
