I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
