Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize