i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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